Category Archives: Relationship

How To Get Your Ex Back- And Rebuild The Relationship

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You want to know how to rebuild your relationship and get your ex to come back. What can you do?

This can be a difficult enterprise. Sometimes the things you need to do will seem counter productive. You need to be strong and have faith in the process and yourself.

One important strategy is to step back and stay calm. Raging emotions are usually unhelpful. No desperation here, just logical thinking, in determining what you need to do to have the best chance of rebuilding your relationship.

You should realize that the break up could be permanent and you will have to prepare yourself for this eventuality. It is important here to understand that in the long term it is better to cut your loses and move on than keep pursuing a lost course. Look at it this way, it’s better to be alone than be in the wrong relationship.

Having said that, most relationships can be saved and worth a second chance.

If your ex is resisting making contact, then you need to show that you are OK with that. Acceptance of the situation can take the pressure off and prevent further damage being done.

Constant phone calls/text messages can drive your ex further from the idea of getting back together with you. It is better to have them wondering what you are doing. Remember the saying that absence makes the heart stronger. Keep your ex guessing.

Then get on with your daily activities as if everything is as it should be!)

See your friends and have fun but be careful. Don’t overdo things here as that could be very unproductive. Trying to make your ex jealous is not worth the trouble and could easily backfire.

When your ex hears that you are doing well,he/she may rethink the situation, and start to make reconciliation moves towards you.

Sometimes just by taking the pressure off is all that you need to do. It gives your ex time to realize how good the relationship was and that it is worth another try.

Usually, if the relationship is going to go anywhere, it will be up to the person who walked away to make the first contact.

When contact is renewed be sure to take things slowly. No rushing straight back to where you left off. Give yourselves the time to get to know each other as friends again.

Then it would be the time to discuss the situation, what and why things went wrong. It is important to understand how you both feel and what you both want and need from the relationship.

Having taken the time individually to think things through, you will both be clear about how to proceed.

This way you have a much better chance of getting your ex back and rebuilding you relationship.

The Weekend Relationship

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During the week there are hundreds of details that need tending to. There are things to do, people to see, places to go. So its not surprising that romance naturally falls to the back of the list of things to do. To many people, romance is a treat that is to be savored only on special occasions; or whenever it feels like we deserve it, usually after denying ourselves of it in favor of a lot of hard work.

As satisfying and renewing as romantic relationships are, we are still not quite at the place to see them as part of a healthy lifestyle. Even though there is a lot of hard scientific evidence to support making romance a healthy part of every day, many people leave it to the weekends to partake of their special treat.

Couples who dont live to together may only have the weekends to see each other or spend any real quality time to together. But even married couples, and couples who live together, put their romance off until Friday after work. This may seem okay to a certain extent, but given the fact that there are other things that need to be done on the weekends, that didnt get done during the week, it might be difficult to give yourself permission to do nothing but take some private time doing nothing but enjoying another persons company. But if there isnt some time and attention given to it, a relationship will suffer. It may suffer in silence for a while, but it will suffer just the same.

If you are at the point that you dont think you have time, even on the weekends, to dedicate to keeping your love alive, its time for you to drop some things off your schedule and make some time. Weekends are a good place to start. At first it will seem like just another task for the week, but it will soon be far from feeling like work. All it takes is some planning and organization. In the same time you could compile a grocery list, you can make a list of things to do that will nourish your relationship.

Start making plans for your weekend on Monday morning. Not only will it give you a good head start on the weekend, but it will give you something to look forward to all week. It also makes it less possible to cancel your plans if you have them all mapped out, and have been doing things all week to get ready for them.

Making time for love can be as simple as putting a load of laundry in after work every day so it isnt piled up to the ceiling by Friday night. Its also a good idea to do grocery shopping on Thursday instead of Saturday or Sunday, so its out of the way. It also helps to do errands on Friday after work so that there will be no real need to even go out of the house on the weekend if you dont want to.

There a lot of ways to structure lifes details so that they do not take over all the good things in life that really should be the rule, and not the exception; its just a matter of doing them. With enough practice you could even learn to include a few week days into your weekend romance.

How To Save A Dead Marriage – Dealing With Resentment

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Many marriages do not survive the initial phase of marital bliss and whether it be a year or two later or ten years later you may find your self in a marriage dead and lifeless and on the brink of divorce. How to save a dead marriage is not impossible however, but it may seem that way after you have tried to coax some life out of it and failed. With the right approach, the right attitude and some knowledge of psychology and communication you can turn things around and return the spark of passion, love and commitment to your marriage if you can deal with the resentment issues that plague it.

Resentment

Often marriages struggle and falter over time as resentment over various issues sets in. In a marriage that seems dead it might not show in arguments and heated debate but instead in cold silence and petty grudges, in fact if there were more arguments then at least there would be some communication! This resentment in yourself or your partner may be caused by money issues, affairs, ambition, drug use or many other things that have happened and have not been resolved and no healthy loving marriage can continue without the specter of divorce if you resent your spouse or they resent you.

How to resolve these problems in your dead marriage are obviously the answer but how do you deal with such marital problems? Whole books have been written on this subject so for this article I will provide you with the simple version:

* Communicate – Talk about the issues calmly and do not make it an argument, just get all the facts down and be aware of all the issues so they are in the open no matter how hard it might be.
* Compromise – Nearly all resolutions require both sides to compromise on some issues. Make sure you have a plan on resolution that requires both of you to do something even if it is a very one sided problem.
* Action – Do not just talk about it, take some action immediately! How to save a dead marriage hinges on you solving these problems not just making plan and saying things will change. You must move on this and fast!

What is Remediation

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The word -remediation- is very important in the work my colleagues and I do with families affected by autism and other neuro-developmental disabilities, but it is a word that is unfamiliar to many people. I thought I would take a moment this week to talk about what remediation means in general, and specifically in the realm of autism.

Let’s start with some basic dictionary definitions:
Remediate (verb) – To remedy a problem
Remedial (adjective) – Intended to correct or improve one’s skill in a specific field; therapeutic, corrective, restorative
Remediation (noun) – Use of remedial methods to improve skills; the act or process of correcting a deficiency

Dr. Steven Gutstein’s definition of remediation: Correcting a deficit to the point where it no longer constitutes and obstacle

My definition: Work ON something, not just around it

Whether you are a parent or professional, it is critical to understand what remediation is, and the distinction between remediation and compensation. Perhaps the most common application of this distinction is in the area of reading problems. If a child is diagnosed with a reading disability, we typically apply remediation approaches to help them learn to read. At various points we may use compensations, such as books on tape, to support them. However, our goal is to remediate, or correct, the problem that is preventing them from reading so they can become functional readers. In my professional experience, I have yet to come across a situation where adults believe that if an 8 year old child is not yet reading, that we should just compensate for that and give them books on tape to listen to for the rest of their lives. Remedial efforts are taken to get to the root of the problem and overcome the issues that are preventing successful reading.

Now take this same concept and apply it to individuals on the autism spectrum. By definition they are struggling in many areas: socialization, communication, thinking flexibly, and the list goes on depending on the person. What approach do we usually take to these deficits? By and large, we take a compensation approach. We find ways to work around these problems so that the students fit into the mold of what we do at home and in school everyday. Our main motivation becomes applying strategies that help them exhibit what we consider to be -typical- behaviors -sit appropriately in the classroom or at church, learn academic skills, play on the playground equipment, wait in line without becoming upset, greet others when we see them, etc. While we may also look for ways to support their communication and to improve their relationships with others, we do this on a very surface level without really understanding the obstacles that create those problems in the first place. And, because we don’t really understand the root issues that create these problems, we resort to compensation techniques rather than remediating the root causes.

When you look at the history of treatments in the field of autism, it has been primarily about compensation. While research on the brain and autism has continued to move forward and provide us new information, our treatment approaches have stagnated. The methods we were using 30 years ago are still the methods being used today, despite the fact that we have a whole host of new information available to us. We now have the capacity to take what we know about the disorder of autism and how it impacts brain function, and develop new techniques and approaches that move beyond compensation and actually work to remediate (correct) the primary features of the disorder. This is one of the exciting things about newer approaches such as the Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) Program, which focuses on remediating, rather than just working around, the core deficits we see in individuals with autism and other neuro-developmental disorders.

It is time to move beyond thinking about treatment as merely capitalizing on strengths, and begin thinking about how to strengthen areas of weakness. Research has shown us that autism is primarily a disorder of connectivity in the brain-with some portions over connected and others under connected. What is so exciting about this is that we know that neural connectivity can change throughout the lifespan. The human brain has an enormous capacity for developing new connections and changing the patterns of connectivity when given the right types of stimulation. This is what allows us to look at autism treatment in a new light. It cannot be merely about strengthening the areas that are already strong. Effective education and treatment must be focused on building new connections in the areas where connectivity is deficient. This is the essence of remediation.

About the Author: Autism specialist Nicole Beurkens, founder and director of the Horizons Developmental Remediation Center, provides practical information and advice for families living with autism and other developmental disabilities. If you are ready to reduce your stress level, enrich your child’s development, and improve your family’s quality of life, get your FREE reports now at ==> www.HorizonsDRC.com

Get Your Girlfriend Back Fast – Why You Cannot Convince Her To Come Back To You

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I want you to think about something for a minute here. I want you to really think about how much it hurts to know that you and your girlfriend have broken up. Think about what it will feel like when you hear it through the grapevine that she is now dating someone else. Do you want to just let this happen, or are you READY to do something about it so that you DO get her back?

When a relationship ends, men come up with one idea and they usually stick to it. And it is the WRONG idea. That idea is, they try to convince their ex girlfriend to take them back. Whether it is through writing a letter, trying to get her to talk on the phone or through text messages, most guys will try to go the route of using logic to convince their ex girlfriend on why she should take them back.

And you know what?

It almost NEVER works. I would be pleasantly surprised if it even worked 10 percent of the time. You need a better strategy, and you need to really know WHY it is that you cannot convince your ex girlfriend to take you back through LOGICAL reasoning.

FEMALE ATTRACTION IS EMOTIONAL…

If you try to speak “logic” to your ex girlfriend, it is kind of like trying to speak Spanish to someone that only understands Russian. There is no common ground there, really. See, women, they way that they are attracted to a man, is almost all about emotions. And men, they try to repair a relationship through logic.

Do you SEE the disconnection there?

When you are trying to convince a woman to take you back, the message is falling on deaf ears. She is not feeling what you are saying, and the more and more that you talk to her and try and make her take you back, the stronger that disconnection becomes. And it will ultimately lead to her NEVER coming back to YOU.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND BACK?

You need to know how to trigger the right emotions in your ex girlfriend. You need to know how to use the female psychology of attraction to make it become YOUR best friend, and make her start to FEEL a certain way when she thinks of YOU. This is how you are going to plant the seed of desire and make her WANT to get back with you.