At the breakup of a long term relationship or marriage there are many who are still thinking to themselves, “I’m still in love with my ex.” This is common, so you are not alone in your thinking. You probably still have some hope that you can get them back. Even if things seem bleak right now and hope is little, it does not mean you cant get your ex back. Not only can you get them back, but the relationship can be stronger than ever. But, when you find that you are saying, “I’m still in love with my ex”, and you are longing to get your relationship back you will have to make it stronger if it has more of a chance to last.

Be careful in your anxiousness to get your lover back. For those impatiently declaring “I’m still in love with my ex” you may be too quick to turn back the hands of time. You may get what you ask for now, but if done incorrectly you may have the same final results that you experienced before.

The best place to begin is at ground zero. Take the time to figure out what mistakes were made in the previous relationship and also how the mistakes had an impact on the relationship. This will begin the process of building a stronger love than was present before. Starting all over again from scratch is the way to get back the one you love. You have to behave smarter this second time around, so tell yourself, “Yes, I’m still in love with my ex, but I want it to be better this time around.”

Let your renewed relationship happen naturally, and not in a contrived manor. Start up a friendship with your ex first, but take it slowly. If your ex feels that you are just trying to jump back into the relationship and things will be no different, than getting back together may not happen. It’s an age old saying, but if you are supposed to be together than it will happen.

You may experience a lot of crying and depression after your breakup but dont let your ex see it. Try your best to think positively as well. Most plans only succeed if you think positively. Acting depressed to your ex is more of a turn off than not. They probably would think “I dont want that in my life.” But, if they sense you are actually happy they will be curious as to what is going on, and re-think the breakup.

Ask yourself, “What type of person would I like to be with?” Would your ex like to be with that type as well? The majority of people want to hang around happy people who can create happiness in other’s lives too. That is the type of person you will want to be. Try to be someone that is in a good mood, can make others smile and can make a person feel they are wanted in life. Make your ex feel special to you.

You will be able to get your ex back and regain that love again if you can make yourself valuable to your ex. As well you want to make them feel needed by you. A balance of both is necessary. It is one thing to say, “I’m still in love with my ex”, but unless you take your time in building a stronger foundation than you had before you will not be able to get the love you had back as well as a stronger relationship.

Long distance relationships are not immune to the conflicts that occasionally rare up in all forms of human interactions. The first time that a conflict occurs between a couple in a long distance relationship, they are likely to get alarmed wondering whether the conflict could be a signal that their relationship is headed for the rocks. After all, long distance love relationships are delicate, or arent they?

Well, the occurrence of a conflict in a relationship in which the partners are separated by distance doesnt necessarily signal the beginning of the end for that relationship. How well your long distance relationship survives the conflicts that come its way depends to a very great extend on how you handle the conflicts and attempt to resolve them.

There are three keys to successful conflict resolution in long distance relations (as in all relationships indeed), namely communication, communication and communication.

Communication has variously been described as the bridge that bridges the chasm that is human misunderstanding. Now a common thread that runs in all conflicts that affect human interactions is a feeling that one is not being understood, or that ones point of view is being looked down upon. And petty as these feelings sound on paper, they can actually be very painful when it is you who is experiencing them. But whatever the cause of conflict in a long distance relationship, and whatever the emotional feelings underlying it, you (either as the party who has been wronged or as the allegedly at-fault party) will have to communicate properly with other party to the long distance relationship, if your conflict is to have an amicable resolution.

Communication as used in conflict resolution basically means making an effort to see things from the other partys point of view, even if you dont accept with that point of view. Once you can communicate to the other party that you are seeing things from their point of view (or at least making an attempt to), then you would be in a position to put your own point of view across to them with a greater chance of success. And once you can see things from the other partys point of view, and the other party can see things from your point of view, you have a better chance of finding a midpoint or a compromise position between your points of view on whatever issue happens to be the source of your conflict and thereby resolve the conflict amicably.

Put this in your thoughts, decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved. Both parties must decide that they want to try to make it work. If one of the partners has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little hope that it can be done.

Staying in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. Is now the right thing to do. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by all parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem in the relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. Which is not always true.

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can always save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts with your partner. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, start an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together one day in the week. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.

A relationship needs to be built on trust. Trust doesnt happen over night as you need time to find out who the person really is and not the person who is trying to impress you. Having someone you trust means there is some predictability as you know what your partner is capable of and what they are not. Here are some concrete ways to create trust in your relationship.

1. You will need to build trust in a relationship is to be predictable. This will go in opposition to the common notion that you have to stir stuff up to always keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a different restaurant or offering a surprise gift can be great, but most of all, we require things to be dependable and steady in order to make our relationships work. Take into account that trust in a relationship could be built on being reliable day in and day out.

2. You need to make sure that your language at all times match the message. This suggests that your partner needs to hear the words that match your body language. As long as you say you are happy but you are frowning, your spouse does not hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner must be able to rely on what you are saying. Any time the words match the message, you create trust in a relationship.

3. You need have a fundamental confidence in your partners competency. If you dont you wont have the trust in a relationship that you might want. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never harmful. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

4. Dont keep secrets. More than anything else, secrets destroy trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. You have to assume that everything you know will eventually be found out by your spouse. Secrets need to have enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could quite possibly be going into building the relationship.

5. Dont be afraid to let your spouse know what your needs are. Dont make him or her speculate what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not being selfish. Indeed, if you are afraid to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your spouse.

6. Its important to learn to say no. If ever your spouse voices his or her needs then that is a good step. Its important that you dont have to say yes to everything. Your spouse cannot value you if you hardly ever say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other persons will basically build trust in a relationship.

7. Always pursue improvement. When you plant a flower, you start by digging in the dirt. Unfortunately pain can be caused when digging in the dirt of your relationship. However, preparing the soil and feeling the pain will prepare you for future growth. Dont be fearful of uncertainty, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for advancement and change. Embrace what is difficult.